one year ago ...
i was 42 pounds heavier. explains why i have been so cold lately. looking at myself in the mirror, i still see the same rolls and flab, but my loose fitting clothes (thankgoodness for the shrinking power of dryers) tell a different story.this whole episode with my weight over the past year and a half has really made me reconsider body image. i've never been skinny. actually most of my life i have resembled a 2x4 more than a girl or a woman. maybe never having a perfect phenotype made excessive weight gain a little easier to deal with psychologically. or maybe contentness with all other faucets of my life negated the extra weight. or maybe i am telling myself i was okay with it when actually i wasn't. my last two relationships in the past 5 years have been when i am 'skinny' compared to my norm. so either i look a million more times attractive when i am minus the extra pounds, or i am only comfortable with other people finding me attractive when i'm skinnier. i am afraid the latter might be true.
posted by Vailgirl @ 6:24 p.m.
3 comments
3 Comments:
Sally - you know I've been struggling with weight ever since high school, and I've asked these same questions myself. I used to be rail thin when I was younger, and now as a married woman, I often experience guilt that I'm not giving my whole self because I feel self-conscious about my weight - or that I'm not treating my body as a temple, and that spills over into attitude, and how I treat my husband, and my overall demeanor. Maybe you need to see if the small group you're in could put weight and self image on the discussion/scripture study agenda...come to think of it, I should put it on mine...
my current small group is comprised of couples my parent's age, so i am not sure if that is the right fourm to discuss the issue, but i definately think discussing it with other gals is imperative. i think it is a battle no female could ever get away from in our society. i remember one of my high school english teachers saying every girl in the class would have some kind of eating disorder at some point in their life (when discussing the edible woman by m. atwood). as much as i think i go against the norm of society, maybe i actually don't. i think that is all i was trying to say in this post. speaking (indirectly) of the bf and weight, i guess he's put on 5 pounds in the past month. only 25 more to go ... hows that for a bunch of random thoughts from s.
hey sall (who is, incidentally ALWAYS gorgeous)
i know what you mean. i have always had this sort of feminist attitude towards my self and my body, thinking 'whatever it's cool, i'm gorgeous', but then i totally engage with the misogynist-mass media- infused culture, and think 'but i can be even better with myself soo many pounds lighter'. it's hard to reconcile your philosophies with the actualities of yourself- skinny or not. i think. anyways, kudos to you for everthing, interrogating these things with yourself.
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