Sleepy dreams and other stuff

I have been incredibly tired the past week, hence have been sleeping a couple more hours a night than what is typical for me. The result of this excess sleep is wild dreams (some of which are not appropriate to discuss on this platform). So, I decided to look up the meaning of some my dreams in a 'Dream Dictionary'. On Tuesday night I dreamt about celery which apparently "represent[s my] need to be cleansed, either physically or emotionally". Interesting, and I thought I maybe dreamt about the vegetable since I had contemplated buying a couple bunches of celery a few hours before and wasn't sure where I should store my purchase (in the car, in the fridge at work, at the house I am staying at ...). Last night my dream involved a past roomate (one of several in undergrad) gaining 60 lbs and going to the bar in frumpy clothes. According to the dream dictionary, "to dream that others are fat, signifies prosperity". I am not sure who is prosering according to this dream, but I do know that my ex-roomie's body type somewhat resembled my pregnant cousin who I saw last Sunday ... So I think I will abandon my attempts to interpret my dream and consider them a symptom of my daily thought patterns.

On another note, I managed to give myself 3 paper cuts within 8 hours on the exact same spot on my right index finger yesterday. Wow, my life is exciting. I had some excellent Indian food last night, but my body no longer knows how to digest rice since cutting out carbs and sugars 7 weeks ago (too much information?). On a more exciting note, I am looking forward to Aggie Pub next Wednesday and The Trews on Thursday. Not sure when I am going to finish the 6 million assignment I have due by the end of the semester but such is my life.

I have come to realize that hatred from my nomadic lifestyle is manifesting itself in the form of apathy. Please end soon semester!

Funky Screen

I think my computer is about to crash. After being on for a few hours the screen starts to go 'pixely' then the picture starts to disintegrate and turn odd colours. Anyone know how to fix it?

rain, rain ...

go away. i really want to go skiing again.

Sob Story

Between loosing my ID and $30 earring (quite an investment in jewerly for this poor student), having my first paper be rejected by crapof***ology with some nasty comments (such as "if all of the scientific community did research like the author, science would never progress") and getting soaked waiting for the bus this morning, it is shaping up to be a pretty chitty week! I think I want to crawl in a hole for the rest of winter and hibernate.

So Excited

College Royal is coming soon!

Thursday Night

In order to celebrate making a complete fool of myself in front of 2 of the smartest people I know Thursday afternoon (see the imposture post below), I decided to join my brother and his girlfiend to Hamilton for a concert on Thursday night. The venue was small and dingy, but I fell in love with the music of Matt Mayes and El Torpedo! Apparently he was mentored by Jim Cuddy (the absolute love of my life) and the band toured with Blue Rodeo. If you have the chance to hear them live, I would highly suggest jumping at the opportunity. I don't think they could ever replace BR in my heart, but I think I am now a fan of the new band.

Imposture: Diagnosis and Prognosis

I have a confession. I often do not feel I belong where I am. My constant nagging thoughts are "what the hell makes you think you can understand molecular biology when all you know is farming, and you don't even know that very well", "you are only here because you have been pushed through by people who like you as a person or because it would advance their career" and "you had a hard enough time getting through kindergarten to grade four, what makes you think you can get through your second graduate degree!" I live every day thinking someone (or even worse a collective group) is finally going to realize that I don't have the mental capacity to pursue my chosen career and the only reason I have gotten as far as I have is by work ethic alone. What if all those 'it's attitude not aptitude' pep talks I have given myself all along are a lie. When I can put the grand scheme into perspective and I know if I could just get over this mental game I could move on and be perfectly productive even in the most competitive fields. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to the mental games associated with success in academia.

Because of these notion, a peer diagnosed me with 'imposture syndrome' the other day.

Well, yesterday I believe my imposturism was 'discovered'. I hate being put on the spot, thus oral exams are my biggest fear. To make a long story short, the mid-term oral exam in the hardest class I have ever taken started out with me being 30 minutes late due to an error in my daytimer (my stupid mistake). From there it went all down hill ... I couldn't even explain the overall process of meiosis (need I remind you that I am a doctorate candidate in genetics!), I said "I hate my brain sometimes" right in the middle of the exam and I had tears welling in my eyes part way through. Was the exam fair? Of course it was. So my conclusion is that I have finally been discovered as an imposture.